Movin' On Up

I watched Hannah get pinned yesterday, a ceremonial sort of thing the faculty does to let nurses know that they've really accomplished something, unlike the rest of us, for whom a four hour graduation is overkill already.  I remember my graduation ceremony being interminable, dominated by memories of clear plastic ponchos and a speaker whose basic message was, "you haven't done anything with your life yet, and you probably won't."  I don't think that was the message he was trying to convey, but that's how it sounded to my relatives, who were depressed by the whole event.  It's hard to watch the fruit of tens of thousands of dollars walk down the aisle with the words "life stinks" echoing in your ears.  It makes one feel rather Ecclesiastical about chasing after the wind, or throwing a hundred thousand dollars into it, as the case may be.

Of course I know that it was worth it.  But there is a feeling about these sorts of ceremonies.  I had spent so many hours, days, years dreaming about graduation and being a real boy, and after countless papers and registrations and seminars and lectures, tests and scantrons and crushes and moving days, it had all come down to this: four hours in a football stadium, drenched to the bone.  My name was called, I received an empty binder (the real degree came in the mail), and I moved on into my bright, stellar future.

I remember it being a day of black depression, uncertainty about the world ahead of me, the disintegration of life as I had known it.

I think Hannah is going through similar disquiet.  She's been busy about the house this morning, spinning her wheels a bit.  She needs me to take care of her.  I made her coffee too sweet, and now she's asking why I'm typing on a blog instead of getting in the shower.  But I can sympathize.  It's not easy to watch your world fall away from you, and the infinite future descend.

Comments

[sheri]

i think about heaven.. a lot. Reading what you wrote Chris about the let down after the "big" aknowlegement that you did something that matters. i get that so often. i worked so hard and there comes that moment where it feels like there should be great satisfaction but is such a let down. when i am thinking of heaven i get that excitement of seeing all that we did here that was for His Glory.All that is not burned up in the fire, and seeing the eternal reward, that gives me such a different hope. things we do that don't get a ceremony. people we touch that have place in heaven even if we never see it here. And of course the best.."Well done my good and faithful servant" i am pretty darn sure that ceremony and meeting will not leave us feeling empty. it probably won't involve clear ponchos either.