It's been beautiful, the mornings particularly so. Lately, I've found my way to the park by our office, where a grassy field columned by a few slender trees offers a view of the Snoqualmie. I'd forgotten how much I love the river, and how peaceful I feel there. When I was a kid I used to find a large rock to perch on and sit for hours. I was drawn by a sense of connectedness and meaningfulness that I couldn't articulate. I'm not sure that I'm much better at explaining it now. When I sit still for a moment I become aware that there is something profound outside of me, calling to something profound within me. And without being able to will it so, I respond.
I wish that I had a lens through which I could look at this call and response, a context that could somehow not bring with it my modern-american-christian mindset. "Christian" is a word that carries with it some fierce connotations, in America today. Hence I wrestle with the gap between wanting to articulate my sense of self and meaning in light of who Jesus is, and the near-impossibility of avoiding the cultural-christian baggage that comes with Him.
What do I mean? I mean that in our day and age, simply sitting by a river and appreciating its beauty and admitting that we feel a deeper connection calls into question our spiritual health from a variety of corners: the rigid box of orthodoxy, the voice in our heads which cautions us against expressing faith in any way that could be identified as eastern or mystical or outside the lines; the political voice, which decries a "tree-hugging" liberalism from the perch of religious conservatism; my culture, which tells me that I am a being of commerce and not one of contentment. These are just a few of the voices that impinge on my ability to appreciate and discover meaning.
Somehow the still small voice cuts through the static, and peace flows like the river: slow and deep.
i love the river and am not a tree hugger. the ocean is my place it feel i feel close to God. just being there i feel so much of the world fall away. the kids and i were at the ocean for 3 days and each day i felt more human, more in awe of the creator. i did yoga on the beach and made sure my kids were not in sight so they wouldn't be embarrassed. yoga is one of those things that can through conventional religion into a tizzy but it helps me center and throw out the clutter in my head and listen and pray. God is so much bigger than a church building. so much bigger than what we are "comfortable" with
Posted by: sheri | July 01, 2008 at 12:08 AM
Hey-
I love to be on rivers and in woods too and I will never be accused of tree hugging! Somehow if you enjoy catching a fish while on said river or eating a deer from said forest, you are not an enviromentalist. But I digress....
Colossians says that all things were made by Christ, for Christ and Christ holds all things together. ALL THINGS. I find that difficult to understand in my contradictory, struggle filled, sin drenched life. However, when I sit in peace on a river, whether with a friend or alone, creation draws me to think on Christ. Politics and Christian book stores make me think of cultural chrisianity, but something about the rawness of the outdoors pulls me to God himself.
PS- I really like your writing style Chris. Reminds me of blue like jazz with a twist of Lord Byron.
Posted by: Nathan Tobey | October 14, 2008 at 07:06 PM
I feel weird writing this. I'm not sure why and I know I shouldn't feel this way. I don't know what to do. I tried calling but no one answered their phoned. I just need someone to talk to. I just need someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I am soo lost right now. I don't know what to do. I can't stand being here in Alaska anymore. I have nothing here. I'm making the wrong choices. I don't mean to. I try not to, but some how I always give in. I'm drinking every week and getting drunk. I'm messing around with my Ex, which I shouldn't be doing. I picked up smoking cigarettes again, and I'm doing a drug. The people I hang out with are nice, but have a bad influnce on me. I'm not going to church anymore. I know I should. I do want to go, but it's not the same as SVA. And I miss you all soo much. I had an amazing experiance when I was there, and enjoyed living there. I would move back but I can't afford. I was coming to visit all of you in December but I can't afford. I'm not sure why I came back to Alaska. I made a mistake. I miss you all.
Posted by: Brittany Weideman | October 16, 2008 at 07:31 PM
Brittany
i really hope you can come here..move here. i miss you too. it is so hard to do the christian life alone. you really need people around who will hold you up,encourage you, hold you accountable, give you hugs when you need them, tell you everything will be ok. we can do a few of those from here so you hopefully move back here or find something there in alaska that can do that for you. i worked on a cruise ship when i was your age and no other christians to be found. i found myself making choices i would never have done any other time in my life. after i got off the ship i made sure to get jobs where i had christians around to help me walk the walk and i could do the same for them. i am praying for you brittany.
Posted by: sheri | October 16, 2008 at 09:04 PM
I hope you are able to move back here soon! Otherwise, I will be praying that you find a church up there that you can feel a part of like at SVA. Keep me posted! I'm praying for you!
Posted by: Susan | October 24, 2008 at 09:02 AM
Hey Britt and Everyone!
My account has lapsed because we changed our credit cards here at the office; this blog is dead until at least January. Hence, I moved over to http://lifeanthemic.wordpress.com, where we can keep blogging.
That said, Britt I hear you. The context of our lives is a huge determinant in how we live our lives and the choices we make. Is there any hope to have you back here in the future? Are we going to see your face again?
I've been struck lately by just how easy it is for all of us to get stuck, get wounded, keep getting bruised, beaten... I'm sorry for what you're having to battle through, I'm with you. We've had some hard things here as a community together, death and betrayal, tough stuff... and dammit, the world just sucks. It's true, but I'm glad we have each other, and God has NOT deserted any of us. I hold to that.
Posted by: Chris Clark | November 06, 2008 at 03:03 PM